Experiments and Learned Helplessness in Test Prep and Life

One of the things I hear most often from parents at the beginning of my work with a student is "Nothing has worked before." 

Tutoring and test prep can be expensive and time consuming. Moreover, it can be incredibly frustrating to watch your child do everything he or she can to succeed—and to do everything you as a parent know to do to help him or her succeed—and not see the results you were hoping for.

It can just about turn into "learned helplessness," a psychological pattern that results when one's actions fail to produce predictable results. One then begins to believe and behave as though actions are meaningless. In turn, one does nothing (in the most textbook case), or brings residual doubt into new attempts at success.

Albert Einstein is famous for having said, "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results." People apply this as a dictum for life. However, while Einstein's idea is certainly applicable in a controlled environment such as a laboratory, our real-world-lives are more variable and nuanced. The truth is, we are almost always trying new things, whether that's partnering with a new tutor/coach, adopting a new mindset, or studying a new lesson.

Think of when a student starts at a new school (or a parent starts at a new job). At the end of the day, a loved one will likely ask, "Were the people nice? Did you make any new friends?" The answer might very well be, "Yes, the people seemed nice. But, no. I didn't make any friends."

If we were to think of Einstein's advice in its broadest sense, the clear course of action would be to change schools. The student has experimented with this school: the student showed up and didn't make friends. Done deal. The definition of insanity is to try the same thing, expecting different results.

But, in actuality, we know that this is far from the best option. It's probably in another galaxy from the best option. The best option is to show up the next day open to making friends, and the day after that, and the day after that. It's to enroll in activities that we enjoy and are passionate about. It's to put ourselves out there a bit, and ask one person if they are free to hang out after school. If they aren't, to ask someone else. Because the truth is, in each case the student is performing a different experiment. It's a different day. The student is encountering a different person. The student is wearing a different colored shirt, and probably listened to a different song on the way to school. Life is different. The student is, to a certain extent, different.

There's an ancient saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." What I wish for every parent and student throughout the process of growing and learning that intensifies in high school, but certainly doesn't end there, is to continue on with patience and faith. 

Because, ultimately, faith—irrational, radical faith—is one of the surest ways to avoid learned helplessness. {Tweet It}

It is faith—the belief that the solution is out there if one stays willing and open—that helps the parents of my students go from saying, "Nothing has worked before," to "Nothing had worked before." Past tense. Because, now, thanks to a willingness to try something new, things are working.

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