Siddhartha Guatama--the man who came to be known as "The Buddha"—taught his followers that human suffering is largely rooted in attachment or, to phrase it another way, our inner compulsion to control.
For example, if Rachel Barry scored a solo on Glee that Santana was hoping to sing, then the suffering (anger, frustration, jealousy, sadness) that Santana experienced would stem from her attachment to singing the solo. When I considered non-attachment's application to test prep, I thought of goal-setting, and how we may become attached to the idea of earning a specific score. Having a goal isn't the problem. Goals help us to focus by bringing clarity and purpose to our actions. Thinking of the score you want to earn or the school you want to attend or the difference you want to make in the world motivates you to sit down and crack open the book. But, when we become attached to the goal, we lose our ability to stay grounded in the present moment. Attachment to a goal creates stress. When you think about your goal, you get a knot in your stomach, a quickened heart rate, or a tight throat rather than a rush of excitement and enthusiasm. The underlying thought is something to the effect of, "If I don't achieve my goal, my life will be ruined." For example, let's say my goal is to earn a 28 on the ACT and I take a practice test where I earn a 25. Attachment would likely provoke a good deal of panic. After all, a 25 is not a 28. I need a 28. I got a 25. Flapjack! (...or another f-word that I choose not to write here.) I proceed to review my missed problems in order to determine what stands between me and a 28. Except, I can't really focus because my heart rate is elevated, my breathing is light and quick, and my stomach is in knots. I quickly read the correct answers and then walk away (or I just walk away, minus the review). On the other hand, if I am able to stay present to my 25 and calmly, non-judgementally analyze what stands between me and the 28 based on my performance on the test, not only does my body avoid a stress reaction, unpleasant in and of itself, but I also reap more from my review of the incorrect answers. From there, I can calmly discern my next-right-action in test prep. When I'm not attached to the 28, I haven't done anything wrong by scoring a 25—it is simply a step along the way to scoring my 28. I know what my goal is, but I'm not so attached to it that it detracts from the present moment, which is important because it's the action we take in the present that helps us to create our future goals. What's the solution to attachment? The first step is to become aware. Give yourself permission to detach from the goal. Remember: You can gently hold a goal without clinging to it. {Tweet It} Then, take a few minutes to reconnect to the goal in a way that helps you to feel energized and enthusiastic. (My post "Start With 'Why'" may help you with this.) Of course, there are many ways to release attachment, and I use many of them in my work with students. Only 10 days left in my "Kickstart Your Test Prep" promotion-- I am offering FREE introductory coaching sessions until October 10th, 2014!! Click here to find out how to get your session. I'm so excited to work with you!!!
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